Monkswood Associates

“Count your blessings. Once you realise how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence.”
Og Mandino (American Essayist and Psychologist,
1923 – 1996)

During several coaching sessions, various coachees have raised the matter of confidence. A couple even described themselves as quite shy. Even though they realised that others were unlikely to recognise this description. So from the outside they appear self-assured. What they want is to feel more confident.

What do you do to cope with situations where you lack confidence?

How confident you feel is a matter of personal perception. A form of limiting belief. Remember most admitted that others probably didn’t perceive them as lacking in confidence. One of the keys to the learned ‘lacking confidence’ is in understanding that it is not situations – or people - which make us feel confident and under-confident, but rather our thoughts about those situations.

What situations or people ‘make’ you feel less confident?

No matter what happens to you in life, good or bad, it's how you think about it which determines what you do about it, that in turn builds (or kills) your overall personal self-confidence. Your internal dialogue shows what you think. So when you make a mistake and say ‘How stupid of me’, then you are not only exaggerating (well it may have been one stupid action at the most) but also you are confirming your ‘bad’ image.

"My suggestion for claiming your blessedness is the cultivation of presence. By presence I mean attentiveness to the blessings that come to you day after day, year after year.” ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

In this step, we review our internal dialogue - what we are saying to ourselves about the adversity we are exploring and/or experiencing.

Whatever you want more of in your life, spend time and energy in focusing on it - or I should say, invest your time and energy, because you'll soon start getting returns! Here are some ideas how to go about focusing your energy.

1. My ideal

Complete the following sentence: “If I could be, do, and have everything I want, my ideals scene would be ….” To do this exercise effectively, I find it helpful to clean my mind of my limiting thoughts, prejudices, et cetera. Keep in mind the following aspects of your life:

You may want to focus on one or two areas. However, as all these areas are inter-related, you may find it useful to write at least a sentence or two on each aspect of your life, describing your absolute ideal situation in life, as far as you are concerned. Let your imagination take over, expanding beyond your present limits. Write down as much detail as you can. One friend of mine even put the natural hair colour for his future children and it happened!

Once you are clear about what you want, ask for it. Trust that it will arrive. And work on aligning ‘you’ with what you want, so you can receive it.

2. Giving an A
Write a letter, which begins with the words “Dear [whoever], I got my A because …”. In this letter you are to tell, in as much detail as you can, the story of what will have happened to you by your selected deadline that is in line with this top grade.

As RS and B Zander say in ‘The Art of Possibility’ “this A is not an expectation to live up to, but a possibility to live into.” Writing as though it has already happened enables you to experience how it feels physically and emotionally to have achieved your equivalent of a grade A. It is a framework that allows you to see all of who you are and be all of who you are, without having to resist or deny any part of yourself.

3. Developing your intention muscles
Every morning this week, above all the items in your to-do list, write down a positive thing that you intend to happen in your business/life that is desired but not predictable. I want you to write it down as if you knew you were going to get it. Write it down as if you were reporting that you’d check your email or answer the phone – things that you absolutely know will happen.

During the day you might glance at the intention you’ve written down. When you do, smile as if you’ve already got it. Just feel satisfied that you have this in your life already - even if, to your logical mind, it’s a complete fantasy!

What intentions do you have when you wake up?

4. Real possibility …
If all this is going just a step too far, maybe you will be better using “There is a real possibility that ….”
Let your mind consider that anything is always possible (even if it does not seem likely or probable). Once your mind is open to possibility, then new solutions and ways of seeing the world are available to you. Give it a few weeks of constant practice and eventually it will become a natural thought pattern.

So what positive intentions do you want to happen?

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.

Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at:

Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk