Monkswood Associates

Accepting current reality, that is what 'accepting yourself as you are' is all about. No more, no less. Well in fact it is far far more because of what can happen when you genuinely and deeply accept reality!

The word 'accept' is defined in several ways including:

When I use the word in this context I mean the first definition – to acknowledge that something is true. There are no caveats to this definition, that blur what matters – that you recognise and acknowledge yourself as you are as current reality. By "current reality" I'm using Robert Fitz's definition of the term: 'a person's current experience as they are aware of it'.

When accepting yourself, it includes:

It gives you no excuse for being passive about your current reality. It is not about tolerating something without protesting or attempting to change it. It is used in that way in some contexts – just NOT in this one!

And the depth of acceptance affects the impact it has on you. It can be a superficial 'whatever', through to an intellectual acceptance and still remaining emotionally aloof – right through to complete intellectual, emotion and visceral acceptance, which impacts how you think and behave and what you communicate. This deep acceptance is worth aiming for because it usually helps you move towards what you want, quite often with little effort.

Another reason for accepting yourself as you are is that you plan your journey from the correct starting point. You wouldn't consider planning a journey from Edinburgh when you are starting at Bristol, would you?!

When fighting reality, you are using a lot on energy pushing against yourself. It's a natural reaction. Try it out with someone by pushing gently against their hand – they will inevitably push against yours even though you haven't asked them to do so. This is another reason for accepting current reality.

Another aspect of this kind of acceptance is that it is non-judgmental – no good or bad, right or wrong – as Penny Tompkins and James Lawley write, "it is simply accepting our own subjective reality". So it is gentle on you, even though you may find it hard to say!

So now you know why I ask my clients on appropriate occasions to say "I accept myself as I am, including [whatever the issue is eg being no good with conflict situations]". Most times, I find it necessary to add " … and that I can't accept myself as I am because [whatever the reason is]". This usually enables the person to say the words and mean it truthfully.

How do you see yourself using this idea?

Tell me about any experiences of using this practice – or even why you wouldn't use it. Both would be great to hear about.

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"Acceptance is not a state of passivity or inaction. I am not saying you can't change the world, right wrongs, or replace evil with good. Acceptance is, in fact, the first step to successful action. If you don't fully accept a situation precisily the way it is, you will have difficulty changing it."

Peter McWilliams (1949 – 2000, success American author of self-help books)

Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations?
Request your complimentary exploratory consultation and
contact Helen at:
helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

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