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Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Application of Values
Having very recently received delivery of the value cards that I developed, (very exciting I can tell you!), I was wondering what people may want to know about values that each of us uniquely hold.
In the guidance notes that go with the cards, I say that values 'motivate behaviour and guide evaluations and decisions'. This is true – and yet … ! It could be tempting to make this observation into a global rule that all behaviour will be in line with a person's core values. That is not true!
Why not? That is a useful question. Here is a summary from what I have observed – of myself and others.
- There are rights and responsibilities around values. When applying values, people quite often focus more on their rights than their responsibilities. One client I worked with wanted people to show respect for him – and yet when speaking to others quite often he was not showing respect. He had not appreciated the link with rights AND responsibilities.
- Give-and-take can come into play. For instance, 'well, she hasn't shown any respect for me so why should I show any respect for her?' or 'well he disrespected me so I did the same back, and some'. Remember, I mentioned this in point 4 when considering consequences of exchange (issue 56 on 'give-and-take: its power in relationships'). A downhill spiral can develop.
- Need to belong: belonging is such a powerful need. Wanting to demonstrate that you belong in a particular group can override your own values. It is possible that some of the MPs, unconsciously or consciously, did what they did with their expense claims so they felt they 'fitted in'. I am not suggesting this validates their inappropriate behaviour – I am just bringing to all our attention the influence that belonging to a group has on our behaviour. Even to the extent of superseding our important values.
- Compromises of relationships: if a relationship matters a lot to some people, they are more likely to put aside their need to support a particular value or two. This is likely to be to a certain degree rather than completely subjugate/overpower the value. Quite often I have heard people say of a friend 'well, she's changed since she's being living with x'. Probably what's happened is that her priorities have changed. What was important when she was single has less importance now she is in a significant relationship. In all probability she has unconsciously reviewed her values!
- The consequences of living the value make life less comfortable: if one of your core values is around, for example, honesty/authenticity, there could be uncomfortable consequences. For example, you have to say things that you find difficult to say (or would rather not say as it might upset someone). Or it could mean that if you applied the value, you would have to admit to others a characteristic/behaviour you have about which you feel embarrassed.
And all these influences are quite often taking place without us realising it! That's part of our humanity.
We can increase the times we actively choose our responses through developing our understanding of our own values - and those linked to the groups within which we work and live.
How would your clients benefit from having more opportunities
to actively choose their responses?
I would really like to know your answers to this question.
All the best
AND WATCH THIS SPACE FOR NEWS ABOUT THE WEBSITE FOR THE VALUE CARDS!
In the meantime, if you want to know more about them, please email me at:
helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk and I'll send you some information.
"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."
Eleanor Roosevelt (American United Nations diplomat, humanitarian and first lady (1933-45), wife of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd US president,1884-1962)
Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations? Request your complimentary exploratory consultation and contact Helen at:
helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
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Read past issues of Positive Solutions. You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.
Helen Harrison, People Coach, at:
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
Website: www.monkswoodassociates.co.uk
Have your working relationships working well
©2009 Helen Harrison