Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Place and Structure
One of my clients recently said 'I want my manager to respect my age' (she was a good few years older than him).
What was interesting, though, was that her description of her behaviour towards her manager led me to believe that she wasn't respecting him as her manager. When discussing it, she accepted that her behaviour could be interpreted as lacking respect. She did see herself as being 'bigger' than her manager, because of her greater managerial experience – and possibly age.
Just because she is older and may have more managerial experience and know more about being a manager does not mean she is bigger than her manager. In this example, my client was not acknowledging or accepting her place in the hierarchy.
Knowing and taking on your right place and size in a hierarchy can give you a strong feeling of grounded-ness and surety. It just feels right and good. The organisation benefits as usually you are in a better place to perform well.
Sadly sometimes hierarchy gets confused with power issues, which causes difficulty with using the word 'hierarchy'.
Being higher in hierarchy doesn't make that person 'better than' another person lower in the hierarchy. Being higher in hierarchy, and fully taking your place, enables you to hold the "enabling authority to make things happen" (as described in a nowhere foundation training document).
A healthy hierarchy enables people to work well together. An unhealthy hierarchy doesn't! When people don't fully take their place and, therefore, are not their right size things can, and do, go awry.
And what can be done?
One powerful technique is to ask the person, who sees him/herself, or acts, bigger (or smaller) than s/he is in the hierarchy, to acknowledge what is. With my client's situation, I suggested that she imagine him in front of her and say (in the coaching session):
- "You are my manager and I am one of your staff/direct reports"
- "I believe I have more managerial experience than you"
- "I am older than you"
- "You have been with this company longer than me" (this was true)
Having said these things, even though not actually to her manager, she did feel more settled. And less 'blown up'.
Sometimes the blown up feeling is so embedded that acknowledging 'what is' doesn't have sufficient impact. This is when I suggest bowing.
Bowing is a way of coming to terms with (ie acknowledging) 'what is' via your body rather than solely through your words. It is a symbolic gesture of respect. So what you are asking the person to do is show respect for the person, to whom s/he is bowing. This can even be bowing to him/herself.
What do you do with your clients when faced with this sort of situation?
I would really like to know.
All the best
AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN POWERFUL COACHING TECHNIQUES GO TO …www.WhatsImportant2U.co.uk for professional coaches only!
"Whatever we refuse to recognise about ourselves has a way of rearing its head and making itself known when we least expect it."
Debbie Ford
Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations? Request your complimentary exploratory consultation and contact Helen at:
helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
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©2009 Helen Harrison
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