Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Topic for the Month: Beliefs about Individuals

“I think he’s no good as a manager”, a client said to me. “In what way is he no good as a manager?” I asked. “Well, he doesn’t give me any support” she replied. So her belief about her manager is that he isn’t supportive. However, through discussion, she recognised that he could be supportive in certain areas. Before this different perspective, she admitted that she had written him off. Her initial belief prevented her from seeing what support he could offer, which could be of benefit to her.

What beliefs do you hold about specific individuals?

Beliefs are perceptions, they “can be re-directed, to open up possibilities while remaining true to it’s positive intention” (Jamie Smart of Salad, http://www.saladltd.co.uk/nlp-tip/258.html). They are also self-protective and survival-oriented so you may have found yourself thinking “but so-and-so is useless” or whatever belief you hold about so-and-so!

Are you willing to experiment with one of your beliefs about a person?

Here are some questions that may support you through reviewing one of your beliefs about a particular person. It is something that you may like to try in the privacy of your own mind or, better still, writing it down somewhere that you feel is secure confidentially. Writing them down gets them from rattling around your head and may help you be less attached to what you have written. You also might be able to perceive it from a different position. Whatever you do, be honest to yourself as you will benefit more from this experiment if you are …

What is the belief? Eg I find Sally pushy
What are some possible exceptions to this belief? Eg Sally has let me speak before she spoke on several occasions

What has this belief been trying to do for you until now? Eg I’m not sure… I suppose she may ask for things she wants and I wish I did that more. Maybe it has been trying to show me how I could be in some way

What could be possible consequence(s) of holding this belief? Eg I internalise my anger and only hurt myself, I could also focus on what I don’t like about what she does rather than notice what I do like and this may impact how I communicate with her to a detrimental effect (verbally and non-verbally)

What word(s) could describe the situation more helpfully? Eg Sally ensures she at least asks for what she wants

And now what do you believe? Eg I think Sally is a good example of asking for what she wants and I can learn from her, although not do it precisely how she does it.

In what way has your perception of the specific person altered?

Naturally there are many other aspects relating to what impacts your perception of a person. The example that I have given is one where the person is demonstrating a characteristic I would like. Sometimes it can be a characteristic you have that you don’t like or don’t like to admit you have or don’t even admit to yourself that you have!

Have a go and see what happens …

"If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Mahatma Gandhi, Indian philosopher, 1869 - 1948

Call to action …

On a separate matter I am putting together a guide on honing your skills in people relationships so that you have greater choice in how you manage and respond in relationships with people so that they are both effective and enjoyable. But there’s a problem… to make sure I include all the really difference-making aspects of people relationships, I need to ask you a favour. Would you tell me what’s your most burning question about how to be your best self in all people relationships? Email your most burning question, or even questions, to helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk.

For those of you who give me your most burning question(s), I will put your name in a hat for the one free copy of (or place on) the resulting product.

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