Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Topic for the Month: Role Models

My opening thought:

Recently I’ve attended a workshop which covered how positive psychology might be used in coaching. One idea that was suggested, when you might be struggling with a situation, is to have in mind a role model who would handle the situation well – and ask yourself “how would s/he respond to this situation?

What role models do you have?

You will certainly have role models. By role models I am meaning people whose behaviour, mindset and/or way of being you have copied consciously and/or unconsciously. Some will have been with you most of your life, while others you have gathered along the way…

• Your parents, for instance, almost certainly have influenced the way you are – I know the way I laugh is without doubt like my dad (and laughing often brings him in my mind which is lovely)
• And a range of other people who have influenced you, for better or for worse, as you have gone through your life – friends, family, teachers, managers, colleagues to name but a few.

Some of these influences will have ‘just happened’. And others you will have consciously thought ‘I like that’ and made an effort to learn to be that way. Sometimes I have learnt through poor role models because I have thought ‘I am definitely not going to be like that’ - and then have considered how I would like to be and followed it through. This has happened mainly with watching poor managers.

So think about it:

• Who do you know has influenced your behaviour etc and which behaviour/ way of being is it?
• Do you still want to be influenced in these ways?
• What others are there in this world that you would like to model?
• And what others are there who could ‘call you forward’ to be a better, more authentic version of yourself?

By being more conscious about your sources you can have more power over how you are in the future. You can become more congruent, be more in line, with how you are when you’re at your best.

How can you benefit from role models?

In a recent coaching session, a client called Gemma (I have replaced the real name) mentioned how ‘the other Gemma was confident and would say she can manage. This got me thinking that she might be able to use this ‘other Gemma as a role model and when faced with situations in the future Gemma could ask herself “what would the ‘other Gemma’ say/do/think?” When I suggested this, Gemma said just thinking about it raised her confidence.

Here is another example. I knew a person who was really good at asking for what she wanted and getting it so that both parties were at ease with the result. Initially I saw her as quite pushy until someone posed the thought that I might find her approach hard to handle as I wish I could do what she did. It took a bit of time to admit that this was true! So now when I notice I am holding back expressing my need or want, I think of this person. Just thinking about her has helped me get over the resistance to ask – and succeed. I doubt I do it exactly like her, and yet her presence as a role model in this situation has made a huge difference.

So you can think of definite role models to help you in specific situations eg delivering presentations, managing meetings.

What other ways can you benefit from role models?

Think of some role models you know and admire. They may be people you know personally. They may be people whose work you admire. Pick one of these people and consider ‘what do you see in how s/he behaves/is that you really revere and value?’ Pick one of those behaviours/attributes and practise incorporating it into your way of being/behaving over the next week/month.

I would like to add a ‘thank you’ to Lucy Ryan of mindspring consultancy ltd (www.mindspring.uk.com) for running the positive psychology workshop, which added another dimension to my coaching and other work.

Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations? 

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Helen Harrison, Possibilities Coach, at:
Monkswood Associates
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Helen likes coaching key staff and individuals, who want to
enjoy excelling as themselves.

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