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Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Topic for the Month: Power and Energy
My opening thought:
“You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind.”
Darwin P Kingsley, 1857 – 1932, CEO of New York Life Insurance 1906 - 1930
In Desert Island Discs, Diane Abott, first black woman MP in 1987, said she was very open about wanting power when she applied to be a Labour candidate for Hackney – and this directness helped her gain that opportunity. In a recent coaching session, the issue of power appeared as a theme. And so I thought I would follow this theme in this newsletter.
So what about power?
Power not only lies in position, but also in less obvious places – words (spoken, how they are spoken, and what remains unspoken), beliefs, mindsets, to name a few. Power can be energy-giving and energy-sapping. For instance, if you are experiencing the combination of thinking one thing (eg ‘I’m no good at and don’t like making presentations’) and saying another (eg ‘yes, I will make that presentation’), you are sharing energy and power between both, to the detriment of both. However, when what you think and say are congruent you experience a flow of energy which gives greater power and authority to what you say eg ‘I know you want me to do that presentation. I don’t consider myself good at them and don’t like doing them’. When a colleague of mine said this, he found that he was taken seriously at last. OK, he still had to do the presentation, but was given a lot of coaching so that he thought his presentation went well – and still didn’t like doing them!
In another example, my client was discussing an unsatisfactory power and control dynamic between an associate and her. Through discussion, she acknowledged that she could change the dynamic by being open in a non-judgmental way about the power issue between them. Her voice immediately lightened when she recognised how relatively straight forward the potential solution was – and she felt more in control without being controlling. The controlling she had been practising had had the same effect as one hand pushing against another hand – the second hand automatically pushed back.
So you can give away and receive power – and in so doing give away and receive energy and control. And there is a difference between control and controlling. Controlling restricts all parties, the controlling person included. I am sure you have noticed some managers who come across as in control of themselves and their team and yet give both the freedom to think, discuss and change their minds. Other managers want to control everything and usually find it very difficult to accept that another way may be equally effective, if not better, and so get stuck to the way they set.
When do you give away power and energy?
A recent example I have come across is when someone wasn’t respect her director. This person, let’s call her Ann, had decided that her director was just not a good manager as he wasn’t giving what she thought a good manager should. When asked what she could find to respect him, Ann said ‘his ability to manage internal politics to the benefit of the organisation and without belittling anyone’. When asked how this might be of benefit to her, Ann suddenly saw her director in a different light. Her energy was focussed in one direction rather than dissipating down unproductive channels.
Within the month her relationship with him changed to the benefit of both the organisation and herself – and hopefully to his benefit too although this was not checked! Using him as a mentor, she managed to gain agreement for her proposed learning and development strategy, which she had been struggling to achieve. Through respecting what he had to offer, rather than focussing on what he didn’t offer, she regained appropriate power.
What can you do about your power?
Some of my thoughts on power are:
- Use what power you have to best effect
- Keep alert for ways you give away power – and energy – inappropriately
- Find ways to gain it back! This may mean gaining assistance from family, friends or even a coach!
- Remember what Bette Reese said ‘if you think you’re too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito”!
“The longer we dwell on our misfortunes the greater is their
power to harm us.”
Voltaire, French philosopher and writer, 1694 - 1778
Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations? Why not consider my monthly coaching service?
Request your free consultation and let me know what support you are looking for: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
Share Positive Solutions with friends, colleagues and other people you know. You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.
Helen Harrison, Possibilities Coach, at:
Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
Helen likes coaching key staff and individuals, who want to
enjoy excelling as themselves.