Monkswood Associates

“Name it and Blame it, doesn’t men you solved it,
nor owned it, nor changed it.”
Grace McGarvie, US Political Science teacher, born 1940

For most of this year I have been involved in designing and delivering recruitment assessment centres. One of the pleasing results is to see your ideas been enacted out by actors! One of the themes I have noticed is the wish for the organisation’s culture to change from being a blame culture. Now I am all for this - and I decided to reflect on the benefits of such a change for an organisation and individuals within it.

One definition of blame is “to assign the responsibility for a fault or wrong (on someone or something)” [the New Oxford Dictionary of English]. That sounds OK, doesn’t it? It is more about the way it is done and what follows the deed that makes it ‘a problem’. The inference is that the person or thing blamed will be the scapegoat – they intentionally made the mistake and need to pay for it. Little to no support will be given to that person or thing, either to defend/protect themselves or to learn from it. This can be true when you blame yourself too.

Another feature of blame is, as Greg Anderson said, “when we blame, we give away our power” (an American author and founder of American Wellness Project). A person I was coaching once said something like “it’s the company’s fault – it’s letting my boss get away with being a bully”. First of all I recalled my Gestalt training about projection. As Seneca said “whatever one of us blames in another, each one will find in his own heart”. Quite often unconsciously people project on something or someone how they perceive themselves. Placing the fault elsewhere can relieve the person of doing anything – after all, it appears as though it is outside their power to do anything. It restricts them to being a victim of the situation. In my example of having a bully as a boss, by blaming the organisation, the person felt free of all responsibility for the circumstances. It can be seen as an excuse – or reason – for not doing anything about it: may be talking to the boss or telling someone in authority about it.

An Indian proverbs states “blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults”! So blaming someone or thing:

And the benefits of moving to a no-blame culture? By no-blame culture, I am not advocating that people do not accept responsibility. What I am proposing is that each person accepts the appropriate responsibility, be it for the fault or wrong AND/OR how they respond to the fault or wrong. We can all learn from mistakes, be it our own or someone else’s.

So back to bullying. When I have facilitated assertiveness workshops I ask how they, and other people, tend to respond to people who are unassertive. A few answers were “I get frustrated“, “I stop involving them” and “I get asked to do extra work as I have accepted it in the past”. I could see some delegates suddenly realising their contribution to the circumstances, including some feeling ‘bullied’. Through posing some questions, the person I was coaching also began to appreciate their contribution and what they could do to change the situation. They regained their power - and a bonus was they felt so much better about the situation and themselves. They could decide how they wanted to respond to the situation. If they chose to accept it, then it was active rather than passive choice.

It is about language and active choice. Blaming yourself tends to weaken your state. Accepting some responsibility for something or how you respond to it, you are likely to be in a state that enables you to ask “… and how do I want to respond to this?” and/or “… what can I do differently next time to get the best outcome?”

Next time you blame, or are tempted to blame, step back and consider how you want to respond to the situation differently – and retain your power of choice and self-respect.

“Which do you think will help you the most? (1) to blame other causes; (2) to blame your own thinking and to change it without blaming or damning your being.”

Do you want more choice about how you respond to some situations? Why not consider my monthly coaching service?
Request your free consultation and let me know what support you are looking for: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

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Helen Harrison (formerly Helen Wade), Possibilities Coach, at:
Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Helen likes coaching key staff and individuals, who want to
enjoy excelling as themselves.

My opening thought: