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Monkswood Associates Newsletter
Topic for the Month: Resistance
My opening thought:
“To fly we have to have resistance.”
Maya Lin (architect, sculptor, 1959 - )
Do you ever fight resistance? Or is your approach to steer away from it? Have you ever thought it may have a message for you? (Yes, I’ve covered the topic of message channels in issue 38). Think about it. If a greedy pirate (well we have just had pantomime season!) knew where the treasure was, he is likely to want to convince his shipmates that it is anywhere but where it is – and resist like anything to say where it is! So resistance may be a gift rather than a burden.
What messages does resistance have for you?
Where do you find resistance? The two most obvious sources of resistance are:
- other people, or systems that are developed by people, and
- you.
Other people may not like what you are doing, suggesting, or requiring of them. They may be resisting your values or what you believe in. And they have every right to do so – and accept the consequences. And you, if you’re resisting, well this may relate to your conscious self wanting to do something new, move you outside your comfort zone, or outside your normal way of viewing life.
Where do you experience most resistance?
How do you make decisions about resistance? Four broad factors have been identified by Dale Emery (www.dhemery.com) that affect how people decide whether or not to do what another person asks:
- expectations about the request – eg abilities needed, results achieved, anticipated impact on meeting values
- communication about the request – eg how it is communicated, what pre-suppositions it may include
- the relationship with the person making the request – eg what prepared to say, how you interpret what’s said
- influences in the environment
When it comes to making decisions about internal resistance, we all have our favourite ways to counter internal resistance:
- we don’t think and go with our habitual response
- we accept the resistance is there to protect us in some way and go with the resistance’s message
- we go with the decision that will take the least energy over time to follow eg having said ‘yes’ to doing something and then using a lot of time and energy fretting about it OR going back very quickly and saying ‘I’ve changed my mind, I am now saying no’ – believe me the latter option is worth it
- using rational thinking to balance the pros and cons
- ask someone you trust and respect for their ideas
What are your decision strategies?
What are the realities of resistance? The reality of resistance is you cannot make another person do anything. What is possible is that you may change a person’s perspective – or you change yours - which may result in overcoming resistance. Sometimes trying this route can make the person more resistant! Why do I recognise this? Because I know that I can respond in this way if I allow it! Sometimes you don’t have the knowledge and/or skills to convince a particular person or group of people. Sometimes in working to understand another person’s viewpoint, both end up at a third point of view and resistance is dissolved. Millar’s law says “to understand what another person is saying, you have to assume it is true and try to imagine what it might be true of”. Resistance is communication – or a message (yes, again!) – providing information about the resisting person’s perspective on the issue in hand.
What other realities of resistance are there?
What do you do with resistance? Well, you could stop putting yourself in a position that engenders resistance! Honestly, can you see this happening? No more giving advice, making proposals, asking people to do things? I agree! This is not real. And, in any case, do you want to eliminate resistance? I know that I handle external and internal resistance much more effectively when I view it as valuable information. I am then in a state of curiosity rather than feeling attacked. Taking this approach you are far more likely to ask fruitful questions and really listen to the answers, giving you a far better chance of finding a solution which suits both parties.
Have a go!
“The power of an idea can be measured by the degree of resistance it attracts.”
David Yoho, American speaker and consultant in sales
Are you dissatisfied with a current situation in your life?
Why not consider my monthly coaching service? Request your free consultation and let me know what support you are looking for along the way: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk
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You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.
Helen Harrison (formerly Helen Wade), Solutions Coach, at:
Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk