Monkswood Associates

Monkswood Associates Newsletter March 2005
Topic for the month – sources of support

My opening thought for March:

“A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway."
Jerome Cummings
(?-1997) priest from California

Recently I attended a supervision meeting about systemic organisational constellations. One topic that came up was ‘support’. A very different angle was added which had escaped my previous considerations. And it hit a fundamental truth as far as I am concerned.

So what do you think this may be?

Before I reveal what this different perspective is, let’s consider what normally comes to mind when thinking of support.

What sources of support come up in your mind?

What typically comes to my mind first are friends and family. Some people may also add colleagues. In essence there are various relationships that may be available to give support. How these people give support will vary – listening, giving advice, just being there, et cetera.

Another source that comes to my mind quickly is nature. I gain a lot from gardening, walking in the countryside, hearing streams/rivers and birds, the scents from plants - yes, I know there are also less pleasant country smells and they are a small cost to pay! I like our different seasons, even though this means coping with the cold wind and damp atmosphere. I include pets in this category, although I know some people would think of them as friends! My cats tend to sleep in my office and I like being able to see them at ease and natural. They also make me have breaks as they demand attention in some shape.

OK, so what next? If you use Feng Shui or just gain a lot of pleasure from your physical surroundings, then the physical aspect of your home, work place and possessions can give you support. The colours, scents, space, pictures, et cetera, can make a lot of difference. I like being able to see photos of my husband and parents.

Now what else may give you support? A colleague of mine normally had good health. She was known for managing well with most things that came her way – until she had a patch of poor physical health. Suddenly she started to find thinking things through, making decisions and remaining objective a real struggle. So looking after your self, body and soul, is important. It is more than physical exercise and good eating habits. Giving yourself treats/gifts, being kind to yourself, is part of this care of self. Being in good body and spirit will support you through the challenges of work.

So we have relationships, physical environment, nature and self as potential sources of support. What more? Well, some people gain support from a network of contacts. This is over and above their friends, family and colleagues. Some people gain strength from customers, chat rooms, formal and informal support groups, and the like. This is where groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Parents of Twins, and phone helplines such as Childline, The Samaritans and National Debtline come to the fore.

The last two sources are the ones that I was reminded about in the supervision meeting. There is the support you can gain from your personal beliefs and values, be they part of a formal religion or your own personal values. Within this I would include the culture within which you were brought up. Both these may be considered a meme, ie an element of a culture or system of behaviour that may be considered to be passed on from one individual to another by non-genetic means. An example where they can give support is when making decisions. When a decision is in line with your beliefs/culture, they usually give you a sense of support. This is why you feel more motivated - have greater energy - in a job that aligns not only with your interests but also with your beliefs.

In this category, I would also include work systems like policies, procedures, and management frameworks. One framework example is that of using an anchor of positive memories when you need to build your feelings of self-confidence.

Closely aligned to memes are the intangibles such as feelings, energy, intuition and truth. I know that I use my energy levels as one of my sources of information. For instance, I need to make a phone call that I know is going to be difficult. And so I am inclined to put it off. When I remember to ask myself ‘which will take up more energy unproductively, phoning now or phoning later?’, I quickly see that I will be using a lot of energy unfruitfully thinking about the ‘dreaded’ phone call. While doing it straight away I only have a short experience of feeling uncomfortable/awkward. As for truth, when I know something to be the truth, I am far more settled. I quite often take a deep breath and relax in my body. This is the specific example that came out of the meeting that previously I had not considered.

Have you noticed the effect of truth?

If you haven’t, I suggest that you start watching out for the signs as they are such powerful indicators and supportive too.

POTENTIAL SUPPORT SYSTEMS

Which of these support mechanisms do you use?

And could you gain by using others?

Do you have other sources?

Tell me about any other sources you use - helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk.

“To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it:for when we fail, our pride supports us – when we succeed, it betrays us.” Charles Caleb Colton (English sportsman and writer, 1780 - 1832

Essential books about changing people and organisations

‘Synchronicity: the inner path of leadership’ by Joseph Jaworski, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, ISBN 1-57675-031-0

I found this book releasing and encouraging. It is based significantly on the author’s experiences. He details a number of influences and incidents that were important for his own development and growing awareness. One aspect that is covered is the way we view the world – it can constrain or expand our options and opportunities in life, including work! Servant leadership is also mentioned. It is readable and thought-ful.

Topical website
http://www.answers.com

I go to this website first when I want to gain further information about a topic. I find it tends to cover the sort of information I am wanting without having to be too sophisticated in defining what I want from a search. Very useful as far as I’m concerned!

“We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness needs support.Strength needs it far more.”

Anne Sophie Swetchine (1782 – 1857)

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.

Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at: