Monkswood Associates

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark.
The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
- Plato

During the last couple of months, I have noticed that one of the underlying themes appearing in my consultancy and coaching work is what is not said – the unspoken.

For instance, one client had recently been promoted and was hiding from all her contacts at work that she was not sure what was expected of her. So she went about her work worrying that she wasn’t meeting their expectations. You can guess what I suggested – yes, initiate a discussion with these people about expectations. Through sharing information and ideas, they could come to a mutually acceptable standard of service for her to deliver and her customers to receive. Even after one meeting she felt better. All her energy resources became available for constructive work. And she started to enjoy work again.

What are you keeping to yourself unnecessarily?

In all organisations the covert, undiscussable and/or unmentionable take place. Yet they influence the overall performance of organisations. Unspoken rules, ‘the way things are done here’, can mean that poor operational practices are not challenged. People quite often acknowledge that the unspoken rules don’t make good sense yet support the status quo through their continued use of such rules. The costs associated with this ‘shadow side’ are as much lost opportunities as such factors as less productive staff and higher staff turnover.

So, when you first join an organisation, you observe what’s taking place on the surface. After a while, you begin to see beneath the surface activities. You may question things at first. However, if this questioning is discouraged, you may decide that you want to belong and so go with the flow.

In summary, the significant shadow-side issues are:

What follows is an example of organisational social systems. An ex-colleague phoned me up some time ago, both frustrated and disturbed. As requested by his boss, the Managing Director, he had brought to his attention that a particular director was disregarding a company policy in a very public manner. “And do you know what he said?” said my ex-colleague aghast at what happened. “He told me not to worry, it was OK! I just don’t understand!” What he hadn’t known was that the Managing Director had started to go out with this particular director!

How powerful are these shadow issues in your organisation?

Working the shadow side

Managing the shadow side begins with identifying and surfacing that which is unknown and/or unmentioned. You know some are intentionally hidden (eg personal shortcomings or perceived weaknesses). Others go unnoticed as they are embedded in the culture and habits of the institution. Organisational and personal blind spots abound. Some people are naïve, while others simply don’t want to know.

Which describes you/your boss/your colleagues best?

Naturally you need to take care how you ferret out the shadow side. And once you have a better perspective, take time to decide what you will do with the information. This is not an excuse for shadow-side laziness. Avoidance (“it will take too much time and effort”), indifference (“Its none of my business, so why should I bother?”) and cynicism (cheap and stultifying acerbic comments) are tactics used by people who want to stay with what they know, a form of comfort zone.

How prevalent is avoidance, indifference and cynicism in your organisation?
What encourages these responses?

Like all activities in work, shadow-side interventions need to be prioritised. To gain confidence, start on something smaller in nature with someone or a group where a solid relationship exists. May be practise where mis-takes are more accepted and/or fewer long-term negative consequences are likely. For instance, rather than pretend that you have remembered a person’s name (and misuse energy fearing that you will be found out), ask the person to say it again. I have found everyone to be most understanding. In fact, in most cases it helps speed up the process of getting to know the person – an unexpected bonus. Being authentic is much less stressful and bonuses are the norm!

Where are you going to start practising?

Tell me about your progress. Gain further support about any point, by emailing me on: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Essential books about changing people and organisations

Managing Across Cultures by Susan C Schneider and Jean-Louis Barsoux,
Financial Time Prentice Hall (an imprint of Pearson Education Ltd), ISBN 0-13-272220-8
I thought it would be appropriate to look at country culture as lack of awareness in this field can cause so much unnecessary grief.

This book is full of specific examples of differences between several country cultures (including American, Japanese and various European cultures) in a non-judgmental way. I imagine this book being useful not only when you first start working with people from these different cultures but also a source you can call on when misunderstandings are arising and you want to check if it relates to cultural differences. The style of writing was such that I enjoyed reading it even though I wasn’t going to be able to use the information immediately!

http://www.successmadefun.com/index.html
What I really like is Michael Neill's Coaching Tip (MNCT) weekly newsletter. Some people may assume that you need to be a coach to find it useful. In fact it is self-coaching. Give it a go. Most newsletters will at least get you thinking and a good number you will want to try out. Michael models the practice of be authentic and makes it look so easy. It can become easier with practice – Michael has obviously practised a lot! Some of the free resources are based on past coaching tips too.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
- Winston Churchill

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.

Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at:

Monkswood Associates Newsletter: August 2004 Topic for the month – the power of the unspoken

Monkswood Associates Newsletter: August 2004
Topic for the month – the power of the unspoken