Monkswood Associates Newsletter: July 2006
Groups

My opening thought:
“Conscience ties us most firmly to our group ...”

Recently I have been on the other side of group conscience.  I can tell you I didn’t enjoy the experience!  And yet …  the experience has given me the bodily and emotional understanding to add to the intellectual understanding I already had about groups.  I took time to reflect so that I could make the most of what had happened.  
                            

When did you last take the time to reflect on an experience?

We all know that to demonstrate that you belong to a particular group you need to support other members within it as well as its values, et cetera.  So a co-trainer and I were delivering a leadership workshop.  It had been designed and piloted by more senior people from within the larger group/organisation.  The majority of delegates were not happy with attending the mandatory workshop.  Rather than criticise the organisation, they chose, consciously or subconsciously, to put the responsibility of their unhappiness onto us as trainers.  Those that were at ease with attending the workshop fed back that the trainers were doing a good job.  This supported our view that it was easier to blame outsiders than question a workshop designed and supported by the group leaders.  You may notice that another aspect coming in is hierarchy.  Group members prefer to respect what a more senior person supports.

When have you done this – or been on the receiving end?

As a group member you also interpret behaviour through the lens of your group.  So as a co-trainer, I wanted to ensure that the delegates gained the most out of both trainers when I was facilitating a particular section.  I saw it as good practice to check with my co-trainer whether he had anything to add before I moved on to another topic.  He usually said ‘no’!  However, how this was interpreted by some unhappy delegates was a weakness, that I was unsure of my topic and needed to make sure I hadn’t left anything out of a critical nature.  The feedback on one form said so!  What I learnt was that a behaviour that is deemed positive in one group may be interpreted negatively from another perspective. 

What else may be influencing the group?

Some group members may find it hard to accept that outsiders have something of value to offer.   In ‘Love’s Hidden Symmetry’ (p13) Bert Hellinger said “Taking is a form of guilt. … When we take, we feel indebted and beholden to the giver. … we try to overcome it by giving something back.”  The group may dislike feeling beholden to outsiders.  So by minimising their participation in the workshop, they minimise the amount of taking - “they don’t get their hands dirty, so they often consider themselves to be superior or special.” (p 13).  This may explain the lack of involvement they displayed. 

Interestingly when discussing working practices for the workshop, the trainers put forward the idea of ‘sharing experiences and ideas’ and there was little active support for it.  It may also explain why a few delegates behaved as though they were better than us and we didn’t appreciate how special their group was.

How can we use this learning?

Down to practicalities!  In the future, when delivering workshops or working with groups, I would keep to the forefront:

• When co-training, ensure I explain the reasons for certain actions – eg new co-trainer taking notes to ensure consistency when running it with another trainer, checking if co-trainer has something to add so delegates gets the best from both trainers;
• At beginning explain when a workshop has been designed internally, so there is clarity about where responsibility lies (without passing the buck!);
• If none of the group put forward ‘sharing experiences and ideas’ as one of the working practices, be aware that there may be issues around accepting learning from us as trainers – may be acknowledge that this could be what is taking place;
• If delegates generally don’t volunteer to share experiences and ideas, consider issues of group loyalties and give-and-take.  Find a way of raising the matter that is appropriate for the circumstances;
• Modelling a behaviour that goes against the group’s norms can engender antagonism - if it happens acknowledge the possibility that this is happening; and
• Accept that organisations that depend on strong group sense will be more difficult to work with, especially if you have no experience of their world as they perceive it.  This may mean that you choose NOT to work with such organisations.

What other learning have you gained from similar experiences?

Are you dissatisfied with a current situation in your life? 
Why not consider my monthly coaching service?  Request your
complimentary consultation and let me know what support
you are looking for along the way:     helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Are you enjoying Positive Solutions?  Then share it with friends, colleagues and other people you know.

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.
  
Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at:


Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Back to top