Monkswood Associates

Monkswood Associates Newsletter: October 2004
Topic for the Month: Decision Making

My opening thought for October:

"You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you've been waiting for to fall into place."

Comparing ‘happiness’ with ‘pleasure’
I’ve just started reading a book by Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler called ‘The Art of Happiness’. When comparing ‘happiness’ with ‘pleasure’, Howard used this comparison to help one of his coaching clients. This client wanted to decide whether to move location or not. One of the reasons she gave for moving was “the pure pleasure of living in that town.” This triggered him to ask, “Do you think that moving there would bring you greater happiness or greater pleasure?” Simply reframing her dilemma provided greater clarity. She realised it was about pleasure – she would have less happiness, as her job would be less satisfying. So she decided to stay! Making this conscious decision also somehow made the downsides of her current location (humid heat) more bearable.

I think this is a great question to include when making decisions, particularly relating to you.

What impact would this comparison have on your decisions?

Moving towards not away from
Every day we are faced with numerous decisions and choices. We often don’t choose the option that we know is ‘good for us’. This may be due to habit or it may involve some sacrifice of our experiencing pleasure, even though the consequences impact our overall happiness. For instance you accept the offer of chocolate when you know it will make you feel less healthy.

The Dalai Lama believes that under all our aims and objectives lies the ultimate goal of lasting happiness. If you recognise this it makes it easier to make the ‘right decision’ as you are acting to give yourself something rather than denying or withholding something from yourself. You are moving towards rather than away from.

How can you reframe your way of thinking so that you give rather than deny yourself?

Positive goals and directions
This reminds me of the idea of giving goals and instructions in the positive. So you ask someone to ‘arrive on time’ rather than ‘don’t be late’. There is evidence that focussing attention on positive will give us more of the positive. If we focus our attention on problems, we simply give them more oxygen to grow. We get more of what we attend to. This is one of the characteristics that underpins Appreciative Inquiry (AI) methodology. I’ve given an introduction to AI in my April 2003 newsletter. The questions you ask draws people’s attention to the subject of the questions. In this way you influence to what people pay attention.

What generic questions would you include in your decision making process?

Here are some that I use:

Happiness easily falls within needs, values and goals.

Last week I mentioned love in the workplace. Now I’m talking about happiness! I certainly believe that happiness at work is a legitimate goal. I certainly am happy in what I now do. I hope you are too.

Tell me what you think. Email me on helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk

Essential books about changing people and organisations

The Art of Happiness, a Handbook for Living by HH Dalai Lama and Howard C Cutler, Coronet Books, ISBN 0-340-75015-4

I thought you may like to know the publisher and ISBN details for this book. I have read about a third. So far I have found it interesting and accessible. It gives everyday examples and I have found I am thinking ahead about how I might apply it in my work and life in a practical way.

http://www.xe.com/ucc/
This website is very practical. It is a currency converter. I have found this useful when looking at purchasing something from a website that gives the price in currency other that sterling. When we went skiing last March I was able to check that the Travel Agency ski pass charges were the same or similar enough to what you would be charged at the resort itself (it was). You may find other occasions when you would find it useful.

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln

You are welcome to reprint any part of this newsletter as long as you acknowledge the source, including full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.

Please ask any questions that the topic has raised, or share your thoughts and experiences with me, Helen Wade, at:

Monkswood Associates
Bankview, Shortwood, Nailsworth, Glos GL6 0RZ, UK
Tel: +44 (0)1453.835263
Email: helen@monkswoodassociates.co.uk